Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
