This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
