I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
