The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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