i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
