Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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