so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
