Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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