Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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