i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
