I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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