I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
