There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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