if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize