Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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