Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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