My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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