sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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