Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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