I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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