I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
