does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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