sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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