I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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