just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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