Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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