Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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