did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
