You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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