the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
