I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
