i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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