They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
