We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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