When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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