goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
