well I can't set my house on fire every night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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