Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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