my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
