Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
