I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've blown a few things in my day
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
