This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
