Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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