that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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