eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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