he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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