Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize