i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
