So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
