my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
