Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
