Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
