My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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