I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
