Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
