It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
