It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
