She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
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At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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