So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
