I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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